Missing my Dad

I always tell myself not to think about it too much, but sometimes I can't help but think of the past, especially the recent past. I know my Dad is gone and is in a better place, but I wonder what it would have been if he was still around. Going home from campus, and seeing him watching TV by himself in the living room used to be a familiar sight. He would be stretched out on the rattan chair, his head leaning backwards and his eyes half-closed. I knew he was feeling fatigued, due to his illness taking its toll on his body. Sometimes, he would be sleeping in the room downstairs, but at least when I came home, there was still someone whom I could call out to, someone whom I could say 'hello' to, and at the very least, the house wasn't empty.

It is often said that humans do not cherish each other until it's too late, and I feel this is very true. Honestly, I do feel guilty that I did not spend enough time with him when he was still around. I was always upstairs in my room fiddling with my com, while he would be downstairs, often with no one to talk to. I know that he had a lot of things to share with me and my brother, but sadly, we never gave him the chance to do so. Even if he had told us, we just could not pay enough attention to him. If we knew that he was gonna leave us soon, of course all these would not have happened. The problem was that no one knew he was gonna leave us so soon. If humans could predict the future, then there would be no such things as regrets. We ought to cherish the ones around us while they are still around. I hope a similar situation that occurred between my dad and me would not repeat itself in the case of my mum. While she is still around and healthy, I think I better spend more time with her and even if I can't do so, at least be around for her more often.

I guess anyone who read the above must be thinking what a bad son I am. I do not wish to debate on whether I am indeed a good-for-nothing, but I would leave the people who know me well to judge me on my character. If I could describe my character, it would be: aloof, slack, relaxed, not giving two-hoots about anything, selfish, self-centred and lazy. I'm trying to become a better person. Yea I know I would always be slack and lazy, but I dont think these are faults if I am contented with what I have. However, I would like to tackle two issues as best as I could, that is being less selfish and caring more for others.

Frankly, I have seriously considered performing volunteer work every Sunday so I can help the less privileged. I am quite confident that I can take up this committment in the long term. Hopefully, this would help me to become less self-centred and to put others before self. I hope that in the coming months, I can have something to blog about concerning volunteer work. My aim is to give society what my family has given me. I was always told by my mum and aunt that my bro and I are very lucky to have a dad who cared so much about us, and who made sure we did not have to worry about buying a house when we get married one day. A house for me, and another for my brother, that's what my mum said to us. I am indeed very lucky, and I just feel that it is now my responsibility to help the less privileged.

No matter what happens, I hope that one day I can look back upon this thread and tell myself that I would always make an effort to be an honest and responsible person. I hope that when I get married and have children, I can look back upon this day and tell myself I'm gonna take good care of my family, just like my dad has taken good care of us before he left this world. I know that my dad would want me to continue the good work that he left off, and he would want me to take good care of my mum, bro, aunt, his future daughter-in-law and his grandchildren. He might not be able to meet them, but he can be rest assured that I would perform my job to the best of my ability, till the day I leave this world as well.